IMG_20141020_151316This is me, looking my most badass.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking… tobacco is evil and you’re stupid for smoking. Tell you what, asshole; smoking does not make one less intelligent, nor is a dried up plant in any way capable of being evil.
Tobacco companies… that’s the real evil. It’s beyond me how a person can live with themselves selling a convenient, rolled up perversion of what was once a sacred plant, now packed with over 400 chemicals to mask the few intended to increase addictiveness. Lucky for me, American cigarettes aren’t my thing. Your typical cigar doesn’t mess around with that shit. In fact, your typical cigar doesn’t mess around at all, motherfucker.

Here’s a fun fact: motherfucker passes spell check. Asshole is considered a typo but motherfucker it’s perfectly fine with.

Here’s another fun fact: I don’t really think you’re an asshole. You’re probably a pretty nice person.

If you’re thinking of trying your first cigar, make sure you spend $100 or more on it. You always remember your first time. Would you rather it be some bitter cheap whore or a gorgeous supermodel? Once you’ve popped your cherry, you can always move onto the bargain bin but make sure your first is a story you can tell the boys at the bar.

I am the thing from URANUS

Of course… that’s not my real name but nobody ever chooses it so it’s kind of stuck to me in everything I do on the internet.
The name was originally taken from a Simpson’s quote that I guess sorta stuck in my head since the days where the show was the greatest thing on television. I’ve thought about it in my later years and I’m pretty sure that a large part of my sense of humour derives from the golden years of that once-great program. I guess I got off kinda easy that I was a fully grown adult when Family Guy aired.