This is me, looking my most badass.
Now, I know what you’re probably thinking… tobacco is evil and you’re stupid for smoking. Tell you what, asshole; smoking does not make one less intelligent, nor is a dried up plant in any way capable of being evil.
Tobacco companies… that’s the real evil. It’s beyond me how a person can live with themselves selling a convenient, rolled up perversion of what was once a sacred plant, now packed with over 400 chemicals to mask the few intended to increase addictiveness. Lucky for me, American cigarettes aren’t my thing. Your typical cigar doesn’t mess around with that shit. In fact, your typical cigar doesn’t mess around at all, motherfucker.
Here’s a fun fact: motherfucker passes spell check. Asshole is considered a typo but motherfucker it’s perfectly fine with.
Here’s another fun fact: I don’t really think you’re an asshole. You’re probably a pretty nice person.
If you’re thinking of trying your first cigar, make sure you spend $100 or more on it. You always remember your first time. Would you rather it be some bitter cheap whore or a gorgeous supermodel? Once you’ve popped your cherry, you can always move onto the bargain bin but make sure your first is a story you can tell the boys at the bar.